I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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