He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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