I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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