I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
