yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
