Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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