We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
