The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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