Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
