at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
