I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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