Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
