i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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