That's when you crack a 10am beer
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
