I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
