her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
