Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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