Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
