I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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