I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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