Where is the hickey?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
