I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
