"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
handjob tips. give me some.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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