i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
