Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ladies don't puke and tell
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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