sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
