I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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