Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
