Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Randomize
