My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
