I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
