Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
