My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize