Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
