my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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