He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
