she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
