well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize