I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
