The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize