walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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