This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
