woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
