Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
