Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
