i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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