I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
