I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
