she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
