I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
