his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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