Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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