I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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