I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
