Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
