I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
