I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
