this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Drake has all the answers
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
