I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
