I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
