he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
