I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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