can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
