I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
