i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
