Do you still have your period?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
