Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
