I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
