Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
