dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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