Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
