ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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