I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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